Step One..Out of Denial

Another week of small successes and constant temptation. If this was just a diet, or a program...this is the week I would have quit. It embarasses me to say it, but I have been fighting this battle for a very long time and my habits are well know to me. Start out strong, experience a little success, get discouraged, quite and act like it doesn't matter. But, this is not a diet or a program....this is me making a stand for my health and my future. This is what God wants me to do and this is what I have committed to do, to way too many people (gulp!) and to my Heavenly Father (GULP!)

I didn't want to write that paragraph, but I had just 'accidently' read this verse: "Stop lying to each other; tell the truth, for we are parts of each other and when we lie to each other we are hurting ourselves." Ephesians 4:25 I read it because I was working on the first step of Celebrate Recovery....Denial. This is how the first step is stated: We admitted to ourselves we were powerless over our additcions and compulsive behaviors, that our lives had become unmanageable." Ouch...no fun admitting that I am powerless...goes against everything that I have grown up believing. I have a strong streak of, "I am the master of my own destiny." The problem with that belief is that it leaves Christ out of the mix. Much better as Paul says, "I can do all things THROUGH Christ, who strengthens me." Oh yeah, not quite the same thing, is it?

How about this verse: "They promise them freedom, while they themselves are slaves of destructive habits-for a (wo)man is a slave of anything that has conquered her/him." 2 Peter 2:19. A slave? Yes a slave! I will not deny any longer what a hold food has had over me, or what shame I feel because of this enslavement.

One more choice verse: "He frees the prisoners....he lifts the burdens from those bent down beneath their loads" Psalm 146:7-8 When I read this verse I had to smile for several reasons...one, just the beauty of imagining God lifing a burden off of one of his children. Then imagining that the child is me...but then, thinking of the burden as being the extra weight and the thrill of seeing him in my imagination actually lifting it off of me. And then an image from the past. Several years ago my friend Carol and I went on a cruise that Stuart and Jill Briscoe hosted. (If you don't know who Stuart and Jill are, go to http://www.tellingthetrugh.org) This is a photo of Jill and me. What an angel this woman is, and what a privilege I have had to be in her company, to hear her teach, to read her peoms and books and to have had conversations with her.One day we were all waiting for a bus that was quite late. I had a huge backpack on and was lucky enough to be standing next to Jill and talking with her. I wasn't thinking about the backpack as we talked about the adventure that we were on. After 15 or so minutes I shifted the backpack and Jill smiled at me and said, "You don't have to bear that burden any more." Of course I took off the backpack and we laughed about how great an illustration that moment was. I teased her that I was sure she would weave it into a story or book. So, here I am 4 years later and I am still lugging around that enormous backpack...Jill wouldn't be impressed. But she would extend grace, and that is what all of us need.


Since I am thinking about the Alaska trip, here is a photo that I just love. It is of a little path in an overgrown thicket. The path went to the right and to the left...such a cool analogy that speaks to the decisions that we all have to make all of the time.

I am at a crossroads and I am making a decision to come out of denial and to step into God's unconditional love and grace! "I will give you back your health again and heal your wounds." Jeremiah 30:17