My Bracelet's Story

I have a bracelet that I love. I love the way it looks, the way it feels and the story that it tells! The bracelet is make of silver beads that come in hundreds of shapes and images. I discovered the beads at a little gift shop in Fresno and after I had fallen in love with them I learned that they are made in Europe by two companies (Pandora and Troll). Over a period of several months I chose beads that told the story of my life.

This is the Dala Horse, a symbol of Sweden. It represents my Father who was Swedish. My Dad had an orange wooden Dala Horse that he kept on his bookshelf.

This is the Letter B and it represents ME!

This is a butterfly bead that represents my Mom. She loved butterflies. She loved visiting a butterfly house at a park in Georgia. After she passed away, we scattered her ashes in that park by a beautiful chapel.

The suitcase bead represents the wonderful traveling that my family was so lucky to experience.The owl represents my families time in Athens Greece. The High School that we went to had the owl as our mascot.

This bead represents my faith. It is called faith, hope and love.

The Rose bead represents the good times in my marriage.

When my daughter, Colleen was little I called her "Angel." I called her this so often that sometimes people thought that was her name!

My son, Eric had the nic name of "Er Bear" or "Bear-Bear" or just good old "Bear."This little heart represents the love that I have experienced in my family, both my immediate and my extended family (parents, children, aunts, uncles, cousins)

The handshake bead represents all of the positive relationships in my life (collegues, friends, church friends, neighbors).

This bead is two geese, a mama and a papa. The mama is sitting on an egg. This represents my career...hang in there...my career has been nurturing, and the geese are a favorite of one of the professionals in my field that I really admire (Dr. Mel Levine)

The pineapple reminds me of a wonderful trip to Hawaii. The trip was a turning point for me in several important ways.

This dragon bead represents the insights that I have gained in the past 4 years. The dragon was part of an image that has meant a lot to me. It reminds me that all of my emotions are real and acceptable.

I wanted a bead that captured the idea of God's hands molding me...this is the bead I found. It kind of looks like a lump of clay that is being squished. The name that the artist gave this bead is "transformation." How cool is that?!

This bead was chosen to represent my future. Only God know!I have other beads...even several beads that I bought in Germany this summer, but these beads that represent me and my life all belong together. I guess that means that I have to start a new bracelet!

Step One..Out of Denial

Another week of small successes and constant temptation. If this was just a diet, or a program...this is the week I would have quit. It embarasses me to say it, but I have been fighting this battle for a very long time and my habits are well know to me. Start out strong, experience a little success, get discouraged, quite and act like it doesn't matter. But, this is not a diet or a program....this is me making a stand for my health and my future. This is what God wants me to do and this is what I have committed to do, to way too many people (gulp!) and to my Heavenly Father (GULP!)

I didn't want to write that paragraph, but I had just 'accidently' read this verse: "Stop lying to each other; tell the truth, for we are parts of each other and when we lie to each other we are hurting ourselves." Ephesians 4:25 I read it because I was working on the first step of Celebrate Recovery....Denial. This is how the first step is stated: We admitted to ourselves we were powerless over our additcions and compulsive behaviors, that our lives had become unmanageable." Ouch...no fun admitting that I am powerless...goes against everything that I have grown up believing. I have a strong streak of, "I am the master of my own destiny." The problem with that belief is that it leaves Christ out of the mix. Much better as Paul says, "I can do all things THROUGH Christ, who strengthens me." Oh yeah, not quite the same thing, is it?

How about this verse: "They promise them freedom, while they themselves are slaves of destructive habits-for a (wo)man is a slave of anything that has conquered her/him." 2 Peter 2:19. A slave? Yes a slave! I will not deny any longer what a hold food has had over me, or what shame I feel because of this enslavement.

One more choice verse: "He frees the prisoners....he lifts the burdens from those bent down beneath their loads" Psalm 146:7-8 When I read this verse I had to smile for several reasons...one, just the beauty of imagining God lifing a burden off of one of his children. Then imagining that the child is me...but then, thinking of the burden as being the extra weight and the thrill of seeing him in my imagination actually lifting it off of me. And then an image from the past. Several years ago my friend Carol and I went on a cruise that Stuart and Jill Briscoe hosted. (If you don't know who Stuart and Jill are, go to http://www.tellingthetrugh.org) This is a photo of Jill and me. What an angel this woman is, and what a privilege I have had to be in her company, to hear her teach, to read her peoms and books and to have had conversations with her.One day we were all waiting for a bus that was quite late. I had a huge backpack on and was lucky enough to be standing next to Jill and talking with her. I wasn't thinking about the backpack as we talked about the adventure that we were on. After 15 or so minutes I shifted the backpack and Jill smiled at me and said, "You don't have to bear that burden any more." Of course I took off the backpack and we laughed about how great an illustration that moment was. I teased her that I was sure she would weave it into a story or book. So, here I am 4 years later and I am still lugging around that enormous backpack...Jill wouldn't be impressed. But she would extend grace, and that is what all of us need.


Since I am thinking about the Alaska trip, here is a photo that I just love. It is of a little path in an overgrown thicket. The path went to the right and to the left...such a cool analogy that speaks to the decisions that we all have to make all of the time.

I am at a crossroads and I am making a decision to come out of denial and to step into God's unconditional love and grace! "I will give you back your health again and heal your wounds." Jeremiah 30:17

Some Really Good Reasons...

I wish I could tell you that this week has been easy. Not easy! I have many thoughts about wanting to use food in my usual way...a kind of easy comfort. Milkshakes, french fries, chocolate, all the foods that are so easy and so comforting. I wonder why they are comforting...when I step back from them it is so clear that they are just food-how could they have so much power? Anyway, the good news is that for the most part I was able to talk myself out of these choices. This was even more impressive because I was out of town for three days. But because it was so difficult, I spent some time thinking about why it is important for me to win this health battle. there are many reasons, and frankly, the first reason is because I believe that God has asked me to treat my body with respect and to embrace a healthy attitude toward eating. I don't need any other reasons. But this week when it wasn't as easy to make good choices, I found that there are four little reasons (and more on the way...) that are very much in my mind....my four grandchildren! I want to have many years with them, and the years I have I want to be vibrant, healthy, and happy. What a good God who wants me to be obedient to him and the prize will be more healthy years with my favorite little people!

Pondering the Potter

I have received many beautiful messages, thoughts, verses and poems in the past two weeks form many different people. One of the poems related to my image of being a broken pot that God would choose to mend. You can read the whole poem at:
http://wandascountryhome.com/potter/
The last verses of the poem are:

Then the master looked down and saw a vessel of clay,
Empty and broken it helplessly lay.
No hope had the vessel that the master might choose
To cleanse and make whole, to fill and to use.

Ah! this is the vessel I've been hoping to find,
I will mend and use it and make it all mine.
I need not the vesel with pride of itself
Nor the one who is narrow to sit on the shelf.

Nor the one who is big mouthed and shallow and loud,
Nor the one who displays his contents so proud.
Nor the one who thinks he can do all things just right,
But the plain earthy vessel filled with my power and might.

Then gently He lifted the vessel of clay...
Mended and cleansed it and filled it that day.
Spoke to it kindly "There's work you must do...
Just pour out to others as I pour into you."

I searched for some of the Bible verses that refer to this same analogy.

Does not the potter have a right over the clay, to make from the same lump one vessel for honorable use, and another for common use? - Romans 9:21


... Who are you, O man, who answers back to God? The thing molded will not say to the molder, "Why did you make me like this," will it? - Romans 9:20

Woe to the one who quarrels with his Maker — an earthenware vessel among the vessels of earth! Will the clay say to the potter, "What are you doing?" Or the thing you are making say, "He has no hands"? - Isaiah 45:9

If a man cleanses himself from these things, he will be a vessel for honor, sanctified, useful to the Master, prepared for every good work. - 2 Timothy 2:21

Yet, O Lord, you are our Father. We are the clay, you are the potter: we are all the work of your hand. - Isaiah 64:8


I want so much to be a good pot and rest willingly in the Potter's hands. I find it difficult, especially when I make mistakes and decisions that I know are counter productive. But I guess that that is what being a broken pot is all about! Thank you all for sharing so much love and wisdom with me...I love you all.

This Journey is a Marathon, not a Sprint!

On Monday I told you that I had lost 4 pounds, I weighed myself on a professional scale that we use at work. Today I was weighed by Connie and it showed that I was exactly the same weight as last week....WHAT??? I believe that both readings are corrent...it has to be the cashews. I can't believe I could let a little can of nuts cancel out my hard work this past week. grrr. It is a good lesson about paying attention to the small things. It makes me think of a cake analogy...a cake can look perfect, be all decorated, tempt everyone to dig in...but if the baker used salt instead of sugar...all is lost! I had a great week, I said "no" to many yummy things, stayed away from fast food, exercised, walked, drank water and had WAY too many cashews. But here the analogy ends. All is NOT lost! This journey is a marathon, not a sprint.

Bad News: Good News; Best News

Well, it has been a week and in some ways I feel like it has been a month! It feels like so much has happened and yet I feel so comfortable with the commitments that I have made and the fact that so many people know what I am doing.

Bad news: yesterday I had an overly friendly relationship with cashews of all things. I bought the cashews for snacks, but they kept calling my name and I kept answering. Before we were done I had had four snacks during the afternoon. Ugh!

Good news: I have lost 4 pounds! I have only eaten fast food one time this past week. I am walking almost every day. I am now doing 30 crunchies everyday. I have thrown out all of the junk that was lurking in my cupboards and fridge. I have had a meal at a restraunt and chose well. I am excited!!

Best news: It has been an absolute blessing to receive messages of love and support from so many wonderful people. I am humbled to be the recipient of so much love. I truly feel lifted up by this experience. When I am alone physically, I do not feel alone at all. Thank you so much!