Wedding Fun

This evening I attended the lovely wedding of two members of my Sunday School class. How wonderful to see two people find each other, and not for a second take their eyes off their Heavenly Father. This sweet couple are devoted servants. And me? I drank my water, ate dinner, visited and passed on the chocolate chip cookies, jelly beans, mints and cake. SCORE!

Talk to the cake!

Today I had my first run-in with food. And wouldn't you know...it was chocolate cake! I walked past the kitchen at work and there was the cake....fudge flowers on top of chocolate frosting. My instincts took over before my brain even knew what hit it. I went toward the cake and was slowed down olny when I saw that it hadn't been cut yet. Now, I may love chocolate cake, but I would never cut an uncut cake unless I knew it was ok. That split second gave my brain time to engage. I walked over to the cake, looked it over and then I said, "You are beautiful, and I bet you are delicious, but I am much stronger than you are. I am sure you are from Costco and that means that you are full of lard!" (You will all be glad to know that no one was present for this little soliloquy!) Two hours later the cake was half eaten when I walked past again. This time I chose to cut a sliver to taste the cake. It was delicious and I felt fabulous that I had made a reasonable choice. I need to remember the truth: I am in charge of what goes in my mouth!!

The Hands of God

Several years ago, at a time when I was struggling with depression, God gave me an amazing image that I saw as a promise. It was right after the huge tsunami that destroyed so much of Indonesia. In the dream I saw a beach that had been damaged by a tsunami...I could see pieces of pottery all over the beach. I know immediately that the pieces were all a part of me. As I watched, I saw God's hands come down from the heavens and begin to pick up the pieces and form them into a pot. As He worked, the pot became more and more beautiful. At the time, I saw the dream as a promise for emotional health. I have seen that promise fulfilled in an amazing and powerful way! Praise God! Now, I see that image again and I realize that there is more work that God wants to do in my life....the potter is not finished....the pot is being molded again...My prayer is that I will let the Potter do His work and not struggle out of His hands.

As Light as a Feather!

Last night I sent out e-mails welcoming friends to join me in this struggle. Starting this morining at 6:30 I started receiving messages back! Messages of love, encouragement, affirmation, and support. I walked out of my house feeling like a huge weight had been lifted from my shoulders. What wonderful friends God has given me! I met with Connie and while I pedaled, crunchied and stretched, she made notes on my food and exercise log and spoke encouraging and uplifting words to me...at one point I just felt like laughing out loud...for way too long I have felt so alone in my shame and discouragement...and there I was surrounded by encouragement and support! So, isn't God good!

I have come to a point in my life that I can no longer pretend that it is ok to ignore my physical health. I recognize that I have developed a whole range of unhealthy and counterproductive behaviors that include incredible passivity and an amazing ability to lie to myself. I am no longer willing to accept the consequences that result from the excessive weight. And I am no longer willing to accept the lie that I am a powerless victim in this struggle. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.I have made several decisions this past week that I believe will allow me to conquer this battle. I have signed up with a personal trainer named Connie who specializes in exercise, nutrition and diet. She works individually with clients and she is a strong Christian. She believes that God has gifted her with special insight that allows her to address spiritual and emotional issues while we work on the physical body. I start the program on Friday. I have also asked my friend Susan, who has been through several 12 Step programs, to mentor me through the 12 steps of Celebrate Recovery. I met Susan in the Single Adult Ministry (SAM) Sunday school class this year and have been inspired by her faith and strength. We will start the program in the middle of September. I will continue to work with the therapist that I have been with for four years. She has supported me through divorce, cancer and depression. I trust her and am indebted to her patience, her gentle nudging, her wise counsel, and her forceful challenges. I have seen God work through her in amazing ways as I have traveled this journey.In so many ways, I see myself as a strong survivor who has conquered my share of obstacles. This is the next mountain to scale. It is clear to me that all of the other work is culminating in this challenge that is both terrifying and exhilarating to me.